David Rupp has posted "
The Last Language War / Language Trolling Post You'll Ever Need To Read (Hopefully)," a humorous blog posting that imagines a conference panel composed of programming languages. Some got left out - notably Python and Perl - but Lisp, Java, and Ruby have starring roles.
Moderator: Greetings, and welcome to the First-And-Possibly-Last-Ever Pan-Computer-Programming-Language Conference (FAPLEPCPLC). I am joined on stage tonight by many distinguished, high-profile computer programming languages. Each is highly regarded by its devotees, and I for one look forward to hearing what each has to say.
Ruby (grabbing the microphone): Um so yeah I'd just like to kick this bad boy off by saying that THE REST OF YOU SUCK A**!!! Yeah, I said it! The A-word! A**! Oh yeah! Boom, baby! Woo! Ruby FTW!
Java (rolling its eyes): Oh, real mature. I, on the other hand, would like to state that I have important work to get done in the Enterprise, so let's not waste everyone's time. I suggest we proceed using the Computer Programming Languages Discussion Pattern as implemented in JSR-6942, the Java(tm) Absolutely Void-of-Acronyms Talking About Languages at Konferences (JAVATALK(tm) which by the way is not an acronym for anything) specification.
Ruby: Dude! I just wrote a full working clone of Google while you were giving your riveting little speech there!
Moderator: Oh, bravo, Ruby! I'd like to see that. Where is it deployed?
Ruby: Umm....
Some of the comments suggest additions, and
do include Perl and Python:
Python: Yeah, definitely spaces. Four spaces, yeah. No tabs. Tabs are good. One tab or two tabs. Yeah.
Java: Python, what are you talking about, come over here.
Python: NO! I can't move from this column. Yeah, have to stay in this column. Can't move, compiler says I have to stay in this column.
Perl: Mrghh(!*$)hg498;++[[x(][][
Everyone: Whoa man, watch the language, Perl.
Perl: $s!\*(%10}[[]]
Ruby: Yeah, I get what you're saying now!
Everyone: Wha?
One can only imagine where all this might have gone...
